I came down my office and found that it had been broken into and my new camera had been stolen. So here I am cameraless (I don’t think that’s a word). I had new videos all recorded and ready to upload, but now they are gone forever. Two cameras gone! After having the police here and all the craziness of the day I didn’t really feel much like self pleasuring, even though I had originally planned to dedicate the day to a long indulgent session with the Ella. Instead I went into my old pattern, rubbing my clitoris for a few minutes until I had an orgasm, it felt emotional after the days end, but of course I couldn’t sleep.
Tomorrow I will have a guest blogger, Miss Jamye Waxman. I’m going to ask her to help me out with this one. I notice that I still have a bit of sexual guilt around pleasure for pleasure’s sake. Why isn’t it okay just to “get off”, why do I still feed the need to always have some kind of personal practice, ritual or spiritual intention around touching myself? Why isn’t my pattern okay? I have great orgasms that way. I guess I can answer my own question here. It isn’t okay to do all the time because it causes me knee problems, and it can just turn into an unconscious habit for me. We’ll see what advice Jamye has to share…
It really does help to take time out in the middle of the day to do my self-pleasure session! Today I played with a Don Wand called the Bent Graduate, a double ended glass toy that was really very pleasurable. I used some of my new favorite lube by Aloe Cadabra, it’s made of Aloe and that makes it great! Combined G-spot stimulation with Clitoral Stimulation and played my way to a really nice blended orgasm! Yay! Most of all it was great to be with myself and great to get back in touch with taking the time to breathe and get somewhat out of my head.
Today I went to a workshop with Michel Odent, the workshop topic was mostly on Oxytocin- the love and bonding chemical. We discussed natural oxytocin and synthetic oxytocin. Michel talked about how Adrenaline cancels out Oxytocin and how we need to get out of our Neo-Cortex (thinking brain) in order to have both an orgasm and give birth (not usually at the same time). He gave us ways to get out of the Neo-Cortex and into the more primal parts of our brain. The workshop was very stimulating, especially since I am a total geek about bio-chemistry. I came home really excited about my work and started writing and writing and writing. My partner initiated sex with me. We were both really in our heads and I so wasn’t in a space for intimacy, but we have both committed to regular romps, so I obliged. The room was perfectly set up to stimulated my Neo-Cortex, and plenty of Adrenaline. We had on very bright lights, which were shinning right down on us. We were on a hard floor surrounded by computer wires and electrical cables. We hardly breathed. The sexual experience was so bad that we ended up laughing hysterically. I told him I was going to do an experiment and go self-pleasure in an environment that would produce an oxytocin state. I went into the love loft where it was pitch dark. I was alone. I did repetitive breathing patterns to help get me out of my head. I had a clitoral orgasm in a matter of moments. It was late, so as usually I was up, my mind probably would have kept me up anyway.
Day 62- Back into my pattern of Clitoral Stimulation, body tension and then orgasm. These late night sessions are just not my favorite. These orgasms before sleep, take away my sleep and have me up all night, all energized.
Day 63- To balance out my pattern I decided to try something new. Yoga Nidra is a meditation to help you get into a Theta State, in other words, to help you relax really deep. I learned it when I became a Tantra teacher and it was always my favorite part of the weekend workshop. I loved teaching it, but I noticed that the genitals were left out of the meditation. So, I recorded my own version, which I call Sexy Yoga Nidra, where the female genitals are included! I didn’t use my recording, but instead I went through it in my mind. It was a wonderful way to relax before bed and to use visual imagery to get my libido lifted!
I don’t know what it is about using a vibrator, but I just want to go straight for my clitoris! All of my training as a sexologist goes out the window and I don’t use any of my erotic tools. I noticed this as I played with a new toy. I left the bcurious charging overnight so that it would be ready for me today. I love the ergonomic design, it fit so perfectly in my hand. I found that the 4th speed was my favorite with little pulses and a buzz. Once I stopped myself form going straight for the gold, I was able to play more creatively. It’s nice when I sink into the sensations. The bcurious was a great warm-up and I really want to try it again. I finished my session with some manual stimulation combined with the vibration and had a lovely clitoral orgasm. I ended with some yummy coconut water.
P.S. I also had the opportunity to go to a dance class tonight, which is so much self-pleasure it’s crazy. The class was with Misty Tripoli, called the Groove Method, and I had an awesome time!
My legs are still shaking as a write this. A lovely afternoon with myself has led to a feeling a euphoria and being “weak in the knees”. I decided to do the homework assignment that Sheri Winston gave me. I got out the Eroscilator, which I have used before and gave it a second round. I stared on my thighs and oscilated my way towards my vulva. I played with it on my labia both on the inside and outside, I went for my clitoral shaft, and eventually the head of my clitoris. When I got to the head of my clit, it was just way too sensitive, so I backed off. I don’t know what it is about me and vibrators, but when I play with one I just want to put it on my clit and see what it does. I must resist that temptation. Then I felt something that surprised me. I felt the vibration in my anus and it felt good. I have to admit, I feel a little vulnerable putting this all out there, but I have committed to sharing all of this, so here goes…
First I started on my butt checks, which felt really good. Then I worked into the area between my vaginal opening and my anus, that felt good too. Then finally I put the head of the Eroscilator on my anal sphincter, that felt awesome. I held it there with one hand, while I used my other hand to stimulate my clitoris. That felt really good! So I kept going until I worked my way into a deep and intense clitoral orgasm. I used some breathing too, seems to have carried over from the weekend of doing lots of breath and sound. It definitely feels like there is a lot coming together (no pun intended).
Men often masturbate before going out on a date or having sex with a partner. It is often to help pro-long the lovemaking experience- to help them last longer since they have already ejaculated. But you hardly ever hear about women masturbating to orgasm before sex with a partner. I decided to do it and see what happened. I did a bunch of clitoral stimulation, played in and out of my pattern and had a great orgasm. It was great to have a little foreplay with myself before getting on my with guy. I was curious if it would decrease or increase my desire for him. I do wonder what the difference would be if I had just worked myself up, but didn’t have an orgasm. That will have to be for another time.
A few hours later I was up in the love loft with my partner. He was having a lot of pain in his hips and legs, so I started by just holding his pelvis. He talked about how stressed he has been, how much pressure he is putting on himself and how much he has missed us being able to connect for long periods of time. Tears came into his eyes and he started to release a bunch of emotion. I was crying too. It was a very emotional and intimate session. We started touching and holding each other going in and out of emotional intensity. We did some oral sex, lots of touching and very little penetration. Neither of us had a big explosive orgasm, but instead we had something very deep, very intimate and very connected. I think that if hadn’t had an orgasm earlier in the day I might not have been in the space for something like this. I might have felt like I needed some “normal” sex and my orgasm. It was nice to just float in pleasure, love and connection without any need for anything more. It was quite beautiful and heart felt and even more fulfilling than any orgasm could be.
Day 52- It’s late, very late. I’ve been self-pleasuring. It was close to midnight when I started my session. I crawled up the love loft, everyone in the house is asleep. I have to say I was exhausted, I even thought I might actually fall asleep during my session. I was floating on the edge. And even though I wasn’t in the mood, I quickly got in the mood. Then I was so stimulated that my mind started racing a thousand miles a minute with great ideas. Ideas for new sex toys, ideas for my oral series, ideas after ideas after ideas.
I thought that I had better not have an orgasm or it would really, really keep me up…that leads into day 53…
I was so aroused and stimulated after my late night session that I just couldn’t sleep. After laying there for an hour I decided to just go for it, so I went back to the loft, laid on my belly and worked myself into into a clitoral orgasm. I laid there for awhile feeling full of energy and my mind was just on fire with thought. There was no way that I was going to get to sleep. So, I went for some more orgasms, why not? It’s now 3:00 am and I am still awake! But I’m getting a lot of work done, now, if only I didn’t have to work all day tomorrow!
Went up to the love loft. Really relished the time along, the quiet and just taking some time for myself. I decided to try a little Clitoral Stimulating Gel by Intimate Organics. Maybe there was something wrong with mine, but it was less of a gel and more like a smooth liquid. The directions said to put underneath the clitoris, I’m not sure if they meant the clitoral shaft of something else. So, I massaged the “gel” into my clitoral shaft and hood. I had the gentle strength, I think I needed more intensity. The best part was just taking time to give myself a nice genital massage. And after I had a clitoral orgasm I just took a moment to take a breath and be with myself, even though I wanted to get up and rush on to all the things on my “to do” list.
Oh, and Sheri Winston shared how she self-pleasured, even through jet lag and being overly stressed. She still found the time to enjoy herself, and in my office too!
I’ve been wanting to try this powerful finger vibrator for sometime. Let me tell you that I really enjoyed the Fukuoku Power Pack a lot! For one, I could still use my finger dexterity and that is really important for me. It was the first time that I had a deep clitoral orgasm with a vibrator. I really liked putting the palm of my hand on my pubic bone and then the vibrating pads on my vulva.
Although the Fukuoku looks like something out of the Terminator movie it was actually pretty gentle on the rest of my body. I used it on my stomach and my breasts. It was especially great on my breasts. I haven’t really had a day where I have really, really enjoyed breast stimulation, but the vibration here felt wonderful, especially on my nipples!