My mood only darkened since yesterday. I have no idea what is up with me, except that my partner is about to go away to a festival called Burningman, and I am staying home. It’s this continued mourning of my old life, my old body, my sense of loss of who I used to be. I know that I’ve been holding a lot of emotion in, staying strong for everyone around me. Why do we do that? What is it that makes us think that not crying or falling apart is strong? I think it takes strength to fall apart and let the emotions wash over us. So, tonight I invited myself to just fall apart. I got in the shower and started to lightly touch myself all over as the hot water poured down on my neck and shoulders. I curled up in the bathtub and let the water rain down on me. i tried some clitoral stimulation as I laid there, but my body seemed non-responsive. Then the tears came. Ah, what a pleasurable relief. Sometimes tears are like orgasms coming out the eyes. It felt good to let that go. But I knew there was more. I got out of the shower and decided to journal as way to continue to move this emotion, this great grief to flow through and out. As I wrote I realized many things, one that really set me crying was how much I missed my partner. Overall, we have done very well as new parents, but in all the logistics and lack of time, I miss him dearly. I miss laying in bed on Sunday mornings, making love, walking to the beach together for brunch, going home, making love some more, dancing…I miss being languishing lovers. I miss all the touching, kissing and lovemaking. I let the tears flow and it felt so good. I started feeling better instantly. Sometimes, all we need is a good cry!Share on Facebook
No, Ella isn’t another woman, it’s a great pleasure object by Lelo. I’ll get to her, but want to start at the beginning. I really wanted to set aside time for myself today. I’ve been feeling like I’m not getting enough exercise. Before I gave birth I danced 5 days a week, and I went to the gym every single day. Now I’m lucky if I dance once every few months and get to the gym once a week. So as part of this project I am making a gym schedule, no more excuses. And I am going to start dancing at least twice a month. How’s that! I started the day with an hour at the gym, then had a great lunch followed by a steam sauna that included a hot shower and lavender bath salt scrub. My skin feels so soft and smells amazing. While in the steam sauna I was joined by Ella, a rose colored dildo that is just up my alley. The water from the shower was making things a little dry, so I turned it off and just played in the heat of the steam. I loved that this toy can be used on either end, and it is silky smooth. I definitely want to dedicate and entire session to her. I feel like something has opened up for me in regards to ejaculation lately and it has been flowing very easily. The Ella was great for g-spot and u-spot stimulation. I had to try it mostly standing up, so I’m anxious to try it lying down. I think tomorrow I’ll give her another whirl!Share on Facebook
The electricity went out in the neighborhood, it’s still out as I write this. I love when the electricity goes out. It’s so quiet, it’s so dark, and the light we do have is often candles. My partner and I stood out on the deck for a long time looking at the stars, listening to crickets, and softly talking. I would like to do that more often. We held each other an ate some Hibiscus.
I used the energy of our soft romance for my session. I went into the guest bath with a lantern. Ah, the hot water of the shower with the soft light, it was so nice. I took a long time washing my hair. I love having my hair washed. Then tried some bath salts. I like the sensations of the salts and how soft my skin feels after using them. I thought a lot about women who can have orgasms from breast stimulation. While I like my breasts stimulated it hasn’t really been something I have experienced. I thought that perhaps it was time to explore this possibility. But I just couldn’t get there. I tried a variety of different breast massage techniques and nipple stimulation. Light touch did feel good. I think that all of the breastfeeding has desensitized me a bit. I’m curious as to what my breasts will be like when I stop and they are no longer a food factory but become a sexual organ once again. I got impatient with the whole breast affair and moved to genital touch. I am loving the feeling of this Brazilian Bikini Wax! Everything just feels so clean and more sensitive. I did a little clitoral and u-spot stimulation where I moved my index fingers of each hand in tiny circular motions. That was really nice. It’s late at night, so no orgasm tonight. I am learning that I definitely prefer to self-pleasure in the morning or afternoon.Share on Facebook
With only 20 minutes to spare I made it! Hot showers are the best. Everyone was asleep so I went into the guest bath and took a really hot shower. I’ve never showered in there before. There’s a large frosted glass window that looks out onto the porch so at night I could see my sillhoette in the window. It was very sexy. I’m feeling very sexy these days, maybe it’s one of the effects of this project. Hot water in itself is great pleasure, but add in a freshly waxed vulva and you have a great combination (at least in my case!). The water felt so good, so I stretched my labia out to the sides so that my clitoris was exposed to the hot water. Awesome! I did some tapping on my clit and my u-spot, which almost always brings about some female ejaculate. It’s past midnight, must get some sleep. But before I head off to bed, I must say that I prefer to self pleasure during the day. Although I usually end up enjoying my night sessions I like scheduling longer periods duirng the day and having an orgasm. At night if I have an orgasm it is really hard to sleep, so I hold off, at least on clitoral orgasms.Share on Facebook
Since returning from Scotland my son has been extremely attached to me, which makes it hard to find self-pleasure time. I started my session by brushing all the knots out of my hair and getting ready for a steam shower. Once I got into the shower, my son had an “I want my mommy!” meltdown, so I got out and comforted him for a while before he was able to be distracted and I could resume “me time”. Back in the shower I took time to bathe, wash my hair and use a little aromatherapy. Once I got out of the steam I massaged bath oils into my skin. I decided early on to do some Castor Oil Massage on my vulva and internal vagina. So I spent time exploring to see if I could feel any scar tissue from the birth that may have returned. I use lots of oil and massaged any rough areas that I found. It might not have been an orgasmic session, but it was a sexual wellness session and that’s important too!Share on Facebook
Since our regularly scheduled intimacy was cancelled due to our relatives being in town, my partner and I had to reschedule for today. We’ve been a bit agitated with each other, so our lovemaking was intense and actually quite amazing as we re-connected. I held off on my orgasm knowing full well that I would still have my self-pleasure session to do afterwards. Sometimes I really like not having an orgasm, but instead just riding on the pleasure. After an hour or so of intercourse I was really in bliss. I floated down out of the Love Loft and into the shower where I explored my highly engorged and highly aroused gentials. I gave myself a genital massage and touched my tingling body. But my favorite part was the sensation of the hot water showering onto my skin. What a DELIGHT!Share on Facebook