I love to dance. When I have been down in the dumps, when I have been heart broken, when I have been high on love, when I need to go within- I dance. Ecstatic Dance has been incredibly healing for me and the dance community in Los Angeles has been a sanctuary. Dancing in this way is a form of prayer for me. I used to dance at least 2 times a week, sometimes 5. Since having my son (1 year and 5 months ago) I have been to dance a total of maybe 5 times.
Today is my partner’s birthday and his wish was to go to dance with me. We met on the dance floor, our bodies falling into each other, me surrendering completely and life has never been the same since. Today, I wanted the dance to be about pleasure. How could I move my body for the most pleasure? The music was already playing when we arrived. I started with stretching and massaging my body deeply. My partner approached me for a dance. Our bodies are now familiar to each other and we can fall in easily, but today I was struggling. It’s this struggle between my old life, when I wasn’t a mom, when i lived so freely. His body on mine did bring me back into the moment. I love contact dancing. It’s like a body to body massage. It feels amazing. I got back to being with myself. it was about an hour into the dance when they played this great tribal song that brought my body into a familiar movement. My hips wiggles, my wrists twirled, I spun in happiness. That was what I remembered, I used to Belly Dance, I even led a Drum and Dance troupe for awhile. I made a note to myself to find some Belly Dance classes. That would bring me pleasure. Unfortunately, that was the height of my ecstasy and I would come down with a big crash. It was like the dance just reminded me of what I was missing, or the life I no longer lead. It is time to get back to myself, but I left feeling unclear of what that is? I guess it all comes down to what it is that I really want out of life. I am a pleasure seeker, but I also seek stillness, meditation, going in. I invite myself into a deeper commitment of personal practice, a commitment to self-care, self-love and self-discovery.