Releasing Emotion Can Be Pleasurable!

My mood only darkened since yesterday.  I have no idea what is up with me, except that my partner is about to go away to a festival called Burningman, and I am staying home.  It’s this continued mourning of my old life, my old body, my sense of loss of who I used to be.  I know that I’ve been holding a lot of emotion in, staying strong for everyone around me.  Why do we do that?  What is it that makes us think that not crying or falling apart is strong?  I think it takes strength to fall apart and let the emotions wash over us.  So, tonight I invited myself to just fall apart.  I got in the shower and started to lightly touch myself all over as the hot water poured down on my neck and shoulders.  I curled up in the bathtub and let the water rain down on me.  i tried some clitoral stimulation as I laid there, but my body seemed non-responsive.  Then the tears came.  Ah, what a pleasurable relief.  Sometimes tears are like orgasms coming out the eyes.  It felt good to let that go.  But I knew there was more.  I got out of the shower and decided to journal as way to continue to move this emotion, this great grief to flow through and out.  As I wrote I realized many things, one that really set me crying was how much I missed my partner.  Overall, we have done very well as new parents, but in all the logistics and lack of time, I miss him dearly.  I miss laying in bed on Sunday mornings, making love, walking to the beach together for brunch, going home, making love some more, dancing…I miss being languishing lovers.  I miss all the touching, kissing and lovemaking.  I let the tears flow and it felt so good.  I started feeling better instantly.  Sometimes, all we need is a good cry!